Till It's Gone
by Insanity rise
Summary: Rukia sits alone in her cold cell, thinking of the person who insists on rescuing her. Trying to accept defeat when holding on to hope seems much more practical, trying not to admit her true feelings...My First Bleach fic OneShot RukiaIchigo


**Insanity rise: It's been a long time since I have written anything, and this is my first Bleach story I've finished so be easy on me. I don't know why I suddenly had the urge to write this, but I couldn't stop until it was complete. I'm sure people have written very similar stories, but whatever. I got inspired to do this by listening to "Taking over me" by Evanescence. It isn't in character very well, but it's a quick little one-shot nonetheless. Please try to enjoy and tell me what you think. I don't really like Rukia, so this was a real challenge for me. I'll be writing more Bleach one-shots in the future, so watch out for more!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.****

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_It couldn't be true, that couldn't be possible._

Rukia sighed, hugging her knees and sitting against the wall, cowering in her stainless prison. This place was quiet and peaceful, but to her it was a world of dark misery. They didn't just hold her inside, but they kept the world out, and they did a very decent job of it. She could sit her for days, and never realize how much time had flown by. In fact, if not for her execution sentence, she could sit here forever. Restlessness wasn't something she was feeling, but she did feel a slight unease, and a cold cloud of misery had taken place over her head.

Depression was a sinister curse; now wonder it sent humans into such fits of emotional distress. Loneliness, was quite a drab, icy word. These emotions were something that had seized her ever since she had realized she would never see the light again. Never to smile, never to laugh, never to hold a true conversation with anyone, that was, unless she suddenly found the wall to be good company. No, she would rather li8e in agony, she preferred it that way.

She had, in fact, had quite a cold life, this shouldn't make much difference. Happiness seemed so trivial behind these cold walls. Why be joyful, when you had no one to share that joy with. Still, she deserved this, didn't she? She had given up her powers to that human boy, was that not a crime? Why did she act as though a wrongly accused criminal, she was guilty. As hard as it was to accept, she was guilty. Those guilty of crime were sentence to death, why should she be an exception.

This was her own fault; she had made the choice on that night long ago. She had given Ichigo her powers, it was her fault.

"I'm a fool," Rukia sighed again, staring down at the cold floor.

Ichigo Kurosaki, that name brought both a sweet and a bitter taste to her mouth. That boy had changed everything, but somehow, she couldn't be mad at him. In fact, as much as she hated to admit it, she had enjoyed her time with him. However, she knew it was him who was searching for her; he had gotten so many people tied up in an attempt to save her. Why would someone do that for someone like her? He was endangering his friends for her sake. Though it seemed so sweet to think someone cared about her so much, it made her feel like crying. Other people were getting hurt, because Rukia Kuchiki couldn't look death in the eyes. Because someone felt she need to be rescued, the entire Soul Society had been shaken, all because of her. Did they not realize that she was ready to die?

Still, Ichigo was the highlight of the saving force. He was the one doing he most to save her, she knew that for certain. Her brother was doing nothing; he felt the same way she did. She was a criminal, criminals didn't deserve life. Renji was surely doing his best, but she could already tell it wouldn't be enough. He had ambition, but it ended there. There were too many people that were superior to him; he could never reach this place in one piece. But Ichigo, he had…promise. Though it pained her to think of it, he was actually coming close.

How long, how long before he was killed? Could he not see the reason she didn't want him here, she didn't want him to die. In some twisted, hard to understand way, she was accepting death, so he could live. She was taking the pain, so he could smile and walk on. However, he still wanted her to be happy as well, he still insisted, but she couldn't, she could never be truly happy again. Her own people had shunned her, were waiting to kill her, friends seemed trivial in a world without the Soul Society. This place had been her life, leaving forever was the same as death. The human world hadn't been a bad place, but her heart would always be here.

"This is all my fault," Rukia closed her eyes, hopeless depression flooding over her body. It didn't matter how much she denied it, she did want Ichigo to come. She did want him to rescue her. She may have hated what was happening, but at the same time, she was clinging to a thread of hope. She could be happy with him, if only there was a way…She could go without all this, if only to tell him how grateful she was for everything he had done for her. She had acted like a true jerk to him at times, and he had done the same, but there was still a thin bond between them that even these walls could not break. As much as she hated to think, she still…cared…She did…want to live. She could sit here and deny it for days, for months, for long grueling hours, but she was, in an insane way, lying to herself. She didn't want to be here, she wanted to be with Ichigo again, she wanted to let him know…she just had too…

_Perhaps you never knew what you had, till it was gone…_


End file.
